Hard to believe I haven’t updated since New Year’s. Sometimes I just get so busy, and other times, I just don’t really care to sit down and think of what I would like to say. I should though. So I will now.
The past month and a half or so have been very up and down. Biggest highlights would be that I’m working on my portfolio this semester and in the process of applying to 2 companies for possible design internships this summer. I’ve been really dragging my heels on actually applying—waiting for all kinds of encouragents and go-aheads from stable people in my life. Truth probably is that I’m scared to actually finish the applying process. Such a vunerable position to put my stuff out there and ask for someone to give me a chance.
Another highlight is that I get to talk to my sister every week via skype, which if you haven’t discovered this service, you might want to. That has been a great blessing as I miss her input in my life and just hearing her voice sometimes is comforting. We’ve tended to talk about silly things lately, rather than do the catch up “how’s this and that.” I miss coffee dates with her and watching Saved by the Bell reruns and laying on her big double bed with a heating blanket to talk about what’s coming for us in life.
Another very exciting thing that happened this month was that I got to see my great supervisor from Spain, Kristin. She popped into KC for over a week and I went to meet her for a couple days. It was wonderful. We had a marathon of Caryn and Kristin time, hitting up Borders twice and drinking several cups of coffee while diving into deep conversation about missions, design, God’s will, etc…. It was a great blessing to see her and hug her. God is very faithful with the people He brings in and out of my life. I look forward to the next time Kristin pops in.
Thinking of God’s faithfulness brings to mind the sad event that has changed the past couple weeks of my life. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write of this, but it is a part of my life and more than anything do I want to share how incredibly merciful and faithful God really is. I very often forget that and I very often don’t mention it much for silly fear of sounding fanatical and super-religious about God. I’m working on that fear and trying to learn this realness that I so desire to come out in my speech. This event that I’m talking around is the passing away of my grandmother. She died February 6, almost 2 days after I came back from KC. Although my family knew it was coming, it was quite a blow to me. I was so blessed to randomly stop in and see her on that Friday that I went home to see Kristin. I spent a little over an hour talking with her and telling stories from school and listening to my Grandpa’s preaching stories. That last time with her was so precious. I didn’t like to admit it then, but on the drive back to school, I knew that was the last time. She had kissed me with a look in her eyes that said farewell. Sounds incredibly made up and fanciful I’m sure, but I know what I saw and what I felt and that’s all the really matters to me. Sparing all the rest of the details of this, that week was tough and I began to learn to grieve. For closure and to be there for my family, I flew home on Sunday and attended the funeral and dinner on Monday then came back Tuesday. It was quick, but it did me in. I’ve been exhausted all week. I’m very thankful for that time though. I got to see all my aunts and uncles on that side (7 and their spouses) and I was able to see some of my cousins whom I hadn’t seen in years. Our family is huge and some of us are closer than others geographically and relationally. I’m sure anyone who comprehends the entire paragraph that they are reading is wondering how this relates to God’s faithfulness. Well, for the past 6 months, my Nana has gotten increasingly worse in her lung disease. My family has been praying that God would take her quickly. She has always hated doctors and more than anything would hate being put in a hospital or a home. My Grandpa also wished to see her go peacefully as the pain was so great for her and his heart to watch her die. I remember on the drive back to school praying through tears that God would be merciful and take her immediately. I’ve never prayed something like that before, but it was answered a day and a half later. She went peacefully while my Grandpa prayed with her.
I’ve never felt like God needed to do something to show Himself faithful, but when I needed it to be vibrant before me, He was. Now I’m playing catch up with all my classes and homework as well as becoming addicted to naps. I’ve succeeded in taking 2 naps every day since I got back. I guess I’m just recovering from emotional whatever this is. Sleeping is good however. I’m going to close this now, since it has become immensely long. It’s my fault for not writing in so long. So, until next post…